Confessions of a (Photo)Shop-aholic

In today's world, it's not a matter of what you know.

You may know the Laplace transform like the back of your hands, you may know the best place to eat sisig or the most powerful person in the Philippines (GMA).

And so?

You may have all the tools of the trade - a Texas Instrument scientific calculator complete with the x,y graph thingy (obvious bang I took up Engineering?), 10,000 bucks to treat your friends for dinner or a copy of the presidential scandal but it can't make you bigger than life or even a centimeter bigger than her mole.

Haha.

But if you know a little Photoshop and you have a laptop (installed with the software of course para sa mga pilosopo), then you have the answer to all of life's problems.

Okay, I'm exaggerating. Maybe not all but the most common ones:

- signs of aging (wrinkles, crow lines, sunspots na di madaan daan sa Olay)
- baby fats
- baby fats
and
- baby fats

Here are some examples:

Even sexy Eva Longoria needs help to accentuate her curves

Brittany Murphy (ex ni Ashton)

And who could forget these pics that circulated in the net? These pictures shocked me. One of my friends even told me, she doesn't feel that bad anymore after seeing Angelica's pictures. And neither do I.

Angelica Panganiban

Angelica's comment on the incident, "One month before the actual pictorial ‘yon. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nasa utak ng gumawa at nagpakalat nun. Kaya sana talaga mamatay na siya!"

I'm not dissing these celebrities after all it is their business to look good (just as it is your job not to browse websites at work) but sometimes they look so damn good, it makes other people insecure about their own physical appearances. That's why Angelica shouldn't feel that bad about it, because she actually made a lot of ladies out there happy. For guys, well I know a lot of you were disappointed but isn't this a big reality check for you? What you see is not always what you get. So stop criticising us girls for being fat especially when you have a beer belly of your own!

Anyway, here are my contributions. Aba, I also need to photoshop my pictures after all it is also my business to look good. Lmfao!

I even have dirty dishes in the background! Can you guess our ulam? And oh! I forgot to enhance my cleavage haha :

I reduced my nose (it's too big), removed blemishes, soften the skin and changed the pout of my lips haha : D

Of course, I only do minor corrections. I don't want anyone to have a major disappointment haha. Deep down, I still believe that after all the Photoshop editing and layering, true beauty will only be conveyed in the picture if it comes from within (naks). Itaas ang confidence level and believe that you are a magnificent creature molded by powerful hands. If you're still not convinced that you are, you can always turn to Photoshop. A little trim there and a little oomph here will surely boost your confidence and increase your profile views in Friendster.

But!

Make sure that the real you will always be greater than any of your snapshots.

PHOTOSHOPPED or NOT.

early mid-life crisis

Who said that life crisis are for only those who have thinning hairs, immaculate baby fats and boring jobs? Why isn't there an early20s life crisis or at least a mid 20s one? Surely, the earlier we start the faster we can get it resolved (statistically speaking).

Having a crisis is good in a way. You've got an excuse to be upset, to be not so nice, to be late for work (I hope my boss doesnt read this), to book a 5000-buck massage charged to your Visa card, to stay locked up in your room without your Mom screaming at you every 5 minutes, to go to Panglao without asking permission from anyone, to shop and have an emergency full-wardrobe change, to have your nails done every other day or so... that is if you are Zobel/Ayala/Cojuangco's relative to the 6th degree. You may even have a chance to sleep at their guestroom. sabi nga sa Bergdorf Blondes - beyond!!!

But for an average working girl like me who only gets 18,000 a month minus taxes, toiletries, groceries, Mom/younger bro/youngest bro/nieces commission/facial/plus other kupits the most you can do is stay in your room, eat chippy, be late for work and be fired, meetup with your friends and cry over coffee while endlessly ranting why there are gays who are happily living with a straight gorgeous guy (maybe they are rich or better with heads) - going thru a crisis is such a terrible terrible thing. It's like going thru a... well, a crisis for that matter. And when you get so clinically depressed you want to literally delete your friends - in friendster, multiply, myspace, hi5 and all social/sexual/mental networking sites known to man. In short you just want to be invisible or sabi nga sa Tagalog... kung pwede lang lamunin ako ng lupa. But then again that would be so unchic. I'd rather be the invisible girl and sneak into Piolo Pascual's room and watch him all night longggg... now that would be a more dignified way to go through this.

So... here I am trying to pick myself up. I want to gather all my scattered pieces and dump them all in one place so that I can sort things easier. Hopefully I will overcome another challenege in this life and emerge more beautiful than ever.

Just like what they say, from tragedy comes beauty. I say from crisis comes a beauty queen er... something like that. Move over mid-life crisis!

The Invisible Girl

People are asking me why I'm always invisible in Yahoo Messenger.

Well, I don't want to be rude so I'd rather avoid any arguments and unnecessary bickering online. Besides, I prefer a full head on confrontation. But there are times when you just have to deal with the people you dislike.

I posted an ad on Friendster for a writer/administrative assistant post. There's this one guy who inquired.

b : did u get my msg?
karissa044: yup
b : does the writer have to report to your office?
karissa044: not really

(us discussing the job details... totally boring for you)

b : what's ur email address, il send u the sample article in a few days
karissa044: well basically we're just looking for a flexible writer
karissa044: karissa044@yahoo.com
b : am i still unallowed to get your #?
karissa044: ill get urs
b: 0927xxxxxxx
karissa044: tnx
b: am i forever labeled as unworthy of a "decent impression"
b : do i look like someone who doest live a normal life, with a reputable job
karissa044: you do
karissa044: you're just rude and sarcastic
b : you mind telling me how u came to that conclusion
b : because it's as if you're saying im uneducated, im a total pervert who has no control of his urges, and that i never respected anyone. to sum it up, you look at me as scum. karissa044: you said that not me
karissa044: anyway if u dont have any other question, madami pa kong gagawin
b: well why dont u be frank with me
karissa044: bye
b : ok then. no need to insult me with your indifference. you know, im trying to be a friend, or at least show that im a different person that you're assuming me to be.
bry : heck, i even used my personal id to chat with you, just to prove that i dont have anything to hide.
b: anyway, thanks for your time. you wont ever hear from me anymore, obviously u dont need me as an acquaintance, and i am insulted by your actions. you really stepped on a person tonight.

DUHH???

WTF! First of all this was the same guy who asked me during the time I was in a long distance relationship with how I cope up with my lack of ^ehem sensual ^ehem life. He wasn't even a friend. He's just one of the guys trying to get my number in friendster. Too bad, that time I was so faithful I wouldn't give my number to anyone. In fairness, he has a decent job and all that. But the attitude really sucks. Oh well...

So, if you see me offline chances are I'm just hiding from someone. Until then, feel free to buzz me: karissa044@yahoo.com : )