To The One Who Stil Holds My Heart

>it's amazing how one person can break your heart
but more amazing that you still love him with all the little broken pieces...
this is just a very simple poem
but it's everything I have to say

Just the way he laughs
make me smile
The stars will be shamed
With the twinkle in his eyes
I’m at my happiest in his arms
And his voice caresses me like a child.
He tells me I’m beautiful
the best thing that happened to his life
He makes me at ease and comfortable
That I don’t have to pretend otherwise.
He calms my irrational fears
He never made me shed a tear
He holds my hand
And everything becomes clear.
He is my guiding star,
My angel in the dark.
He is my soulmate.
He is my heart.

Independence Day

Two things I rarely talk about - religion and politics. Not because it doesn't interest me but on the contrary, I feel strongly about these things. And I don't want to be like the rest of the imposing crowd who shove their opinions in others’ mouths. I definitely won’t do that BUT thanks to my blog, I can still voice out my POV.

I was in 2nd year high school when we had our debate in Social Studies: parliamentary vs. presidential system of governance. I forgot on which side I was but one of my main arguments was that it does not matter what political system we have. The power has always been in the hands of the masses. We had a revolutionary government, heck – even a dictatorial one and we endured both. I always believed we can survive in spite of whatever type of government we have. Unfortunately, I can’t say if that is still the case.

After EDSA I, came EDSA 2 which I think was a total disaster, after it was EDSA 3 which was an even more disastrous idea. Not only did those conniving bastards used the legacy of the first EDSA revolution for their own selfish intentions, they also ruined a Philippine honor. What sets apart EDSA I from its contemporaries was the very reason it existed. Filipinos were fighting for freedom - not for a politician, not for a political party, not for a political agenda. Not for anything but freedom.

Now, almost every rally has a political motive behind it. Majority of the people participate not because they’re fighting for their ideals but because they are promised a measly 300 pesos for their attendance (based on first-hand experience). Should we blame the users or the ones who allow themselves to be used?

What’s killing the country is not the constitutional change but the lack of our nation’s decent leaders and the good judgment of its followers. The rest just don’t care and they’re just as appalling. We’re all waiting for a Rizal or Bonifacio incarnate. But why do we need to wait when we can be the next one?

It all starts with a little step.

Perhaps, a step as little such as writing a blog about it.

I AM GROW UP

Warning: If you think I am referring to you, I probably am. So please, spare yourself the humiliation.

Note: I wrote this in my journal and reading it now, made me laugh like crazy so I just thought I would share. This is how bitchy I can get (sometimes ^__^). Forgive my arrogance.

Aaminin ko, hindi ako super ganda. Siguro minsan, kapag tipong pinalantsa yung buhok ko, nagmake up at nagdamit ng medyo sexy, I can make heads turn. But on an average day - buhaghag na buhok, namamagang eyebags at haggardness na, I doubt kung kahit magbobote eh papansinin ako.

Pero more than physical beauty, I take pride in knowing that I am smart. I was accelerated in elementary, studied in a science school in the metro, a lady engineer, freelance writer and sige na nga tama na at baka sabihin niyo nagyayabang ako.

At siyempre, the first thing I look for in a partner is yung may utak din. Hindi lahat ng naging boyfriend ko gwapo, pero lahat sila matalino. From the history of China to Coloumb's law of Electromagnetics - I learned it all from my exes. Kaya naman ng nakilala ko si Jon, nawindang ang lola niyo.

"Hmm, baka naman sa English lang siya bobo? Malay mo magaling sa Math?

Let's just put it this way. Mahina yung pick up niya. Like I have to explain everything. Kahit na tagalog pa.

"Well, siguro mahina lang siya sa logic. Pabayaan mo na, gwapo naman eh."

Yun lang. Super gwapo niya; maputi, may dimples sa magkabilang pisngi, matangos ang ilong, maganda ang katawan. A total eyecandy. At sabi nga nila - the best accessory is a gorgeous boyfriend. Kaso lang, just like what his other girlfriend said, "Pwede nang pangdisplay, wag mo lang pagsasalitain."

And yup, bobo na siya babaero pa. But, we'll get to that later.

I remember, nagulat na lang ako at may mga picture comments ako sa friendster. Wow, it nice post!

Nung una hindi ko magets. Poste ba? Wala namang poste sa picture ah. Or yung picture caption na pinost ko sa taas?

Hi. Thanks for your comments. Not sure what you mean though.

YOUR so pretty and POST is perfect. You can be a model.

Ah ok. Pose pala. I didn't attempt to correct him kasi hindi pa naman kami close at mukhang hindi naman siya masyado mahilig magenglish. Nung first time naming magusap sa phone, thank heavens at hindi niya ko pinakitaan ng kanyang eloquence.

Days went by. We dated hanggang sa sinagot ko na siya. Overall, he is nice naman; marunong makisama, masipag sa bahay, matiyaga, maasikaso. And our conversations progressed naman kahit paano. Kung dati puro what is your favorite color lang, napagusapan na din namin yung family issues, friendship, work, etc. Though it's not as educational or as profound, at least we can share each other's POVs.

Kaso may mga times talaga na sablay siya eh. And I was able to prove na hindi lang talaga siya mentally ungifted sa English, mababa talaga ang kanyang I.Q.

Isang araw, nanood kami ng sine - I forgot na what the movie was. All the time, he was checking my phone for text messages, I wasn't checking his. And it's not because hindi ako selosa.

"Teka bakit ba kanina ka pa check ng check ng phone ko ha. Patingin nga ng phone mo!"

"Lowbat nga eh tignan mo o ayaw mag on."

At dinemonstrate niya pa. He pressed on power and totoo nga ayaw mag on. But I snatched his phone away from his hands.

"Anong lowbat? Eh tinanggal mo ata ang battery nito eh!" I took the battery cover off and guess what - wala ngang battery.

"Please lang wag mo kong gagawin tanga dahil mataas ang IQ ko." Sabay walk out sa sinehan.

That night sorry siya ng sorry at kesyo magpapakamatay daw siya and other stupid pananakot. Okay, another chance then. After all, pinapasaya niya naman ako.


Babe, nagPERTO na ko ng PISH.


Oo na, 29 na ko. MADANDAN na ko.

*after a few minutes...

Ay, matanda pala.


Sige na HAPOY na ko, ashhole, gago, DECKHEAD.


Babe, tignan mo 'tong picture. Jan yung pinuntahan namin na RESORTS.


I don't wanna BUDTHER you anymore. Sorry if I BUDTHERED you. I'll let you go... but you'll always be TATTOO on my mind.


I used to be a cheater but NOT NOW ANYMORE.


Bat ba hindi ka nagttext? Don't EGNORE me naman. Basta sundo kita sa GREENHELS mamya.


Babe, hindi ako nakapagtext sau kanina. Hinimatay kc ako at dinala sa ospital

O__O'


I once told him, "Please, stop making stupid excuses. It's either intelligent excuses or no excuses at all."

To which he answered, "Huh anong excuse me? Wala naman akong sinabing excuse me ah."

Minsan, gusto ko na talagang tumumbling but nahawa na ata ako ng kabobohan sa kanya. I couldn't let him go. Sayang, super gwapo kasi niya (kung gusto niyo ng pic para patunay just PM me).

So, I offered to tutor him. Absolutely for free! Sagot ko pa merienda. Hayyy. Nagbabakasali ako na baka may pagasa pang magimprove ang kanyang mental capacity. After all, he's just 29 at siguro naman may humihinga pa siyang mga brain cells somewhere in between his ears.

Pero wala ding kwenta.

At wala talaga siyang kwenta because I found out that he cheated on me. And he cheated on me the week before Christmas. He spent Christmas with the girl. I knew because I saw the pics in his phone. And todo deny pa siya sa obvious. Andun na nga yung hard-core evidence. Kesyo nagpose lang daw sila in front of the Christmas tree sa Trinoma at nagloloko yung phone niya kaya Dec 25 ang date.

After all I did to him - kahit na lagi akong nagnonose bleed. Aarrrghhhh!

But he came back to me (as expected).

He called me one day saying that he was sorry and that he wanted to make it up to me. He realized that he really loved me at nadala lang daw siya ng selos.

I do admit, I was tempted to take him back. After all, I was used to being with him. In the three months that we were together, araw araw kami magkasama - we would jog in the morning, then he would take me to work, we'd text nonstop in those few hours we're not together, then he would pick me up from work everyday kahit na 5 AM ang out ko at imbiyerna ang mga best friends ko sa kanya. But I felt like I couldn't take it anymore.

"Jon, those few days we were apart - I realized a lot of things. I never cheated on you, I tried so hard to be a good girlfriend. May pagkukulang din ako, I was childish and I was a brat but you can never justify what you did. And this is not the first time it happened. Lagi na lang kitang pinapatawad."

"Babe mahal na mahal kita. Gagawin ko lahat..."

By this time, todo emote na talaga ko..."I don't know. Maybe I need to grow up, you need to grow up... We both need to grow up..."

"I AM GROW UP!"

Toinks! That was exactly what I needed. Then, I started laughing as in yung tawa na parang bruha.

"Bat ka tumatawa?"

"Mali yung English mo eh."

"I am grown... I grow... I have g-gro... I am matured, babe! Matured na ko!!!"

But I wasn't. I started laughing more.

"Ayan, sige pagtawanan mo ko. Akala mo ba hindi ko alam na lagi mo kong minamata? Oo na, bobo na ko. Hindi ako kasing talino mo eh.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh.”

Teka lang at bakit ako ang nagsosorry sa kanya?

“You know what? Aaminin ko you are not that mentally endowed. And maybe I am at fault dahil pinagtatawanan kita sometimes. Most of the time, pinipigilan ko naman eh. I never compared your intelligence with mine. There’s no use at all. And it’s not just because of your grammar or the way you pronounce words like the way you say pish instead of fish. Alam mo kung anong pinakabobong ginawa mo – yung saktan at lokohin ako.”

And ironically, that's when the tears started to flow while I whispered to myself... pero mas bobo ako dahil minahal kita...