24

Turning 24 can be such a deadly thing. Gone are the days of the not-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman phase (so corny!) and the pressure of acting my age is unnerving! My friend referred to this as the quarter-life crisis, which can be so true. Days before my birthday, I found myself staring at the night sky, fighting the urge to recite "starlight, starbright". I became overly sentimental thinking about my inner conflicts and past baggage.

I realized that a lot of times, I still act like a 7-year old spoiled brat - to my younger brother's expense and at the same time expect him to act like a 20-year old man. Talking about double standards huh. But being childlike keeps me in touch with good memories and my dreams of a happily-ever-after so I guess it's okay as long as I do without my 7-year old tantrums and high pigtails.

Looking back, I never would have thought I would end up like this. I had a completely different plan for myself and my family, different values and different beliefs. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm less of a person now than what I envisioned myself to be. I just guess this wasn't what I expected. But nevertheless, I'm fabulous and I'm loving it!

Career-wise, I'm more determined and hard-working now. Wow! It was not the easiest road to take but not everyone finds a chance, the guts and the nerve to work for themselves. I don't work for IBM or Microsoft or some other big time companies but I'm proud to say that I work for myself and that maybe someday I would have other people say (with beaming pride) that they are proud to work for MY company, too. I don't mean to brag but you have to believe in yourself first before you can make others believe in you. Sometimes, all it takes is faith and a lot of convincing power. Believe me ;)

Of course, not everything is going well for me. They say that if you have a booming career then you should expect your love life to be zero. Mine is -1000. And it doesn't help that I'm getting paranoid about hitting thirty. Tick...tock...tick...tock... there goes my biological clock again. Women panic, period. But being single has given me time (lots of it) to reflect on my past relationships - where I went wrong, when I gave less or when I loved too much. I still believe in soulmates and the "one" but I don't think love should be ideal. It exists in all places, knows no time or boundaries. I would still like to end up with the "one" but even if I don't, I know that love will find its way back again. Perhaps, in another person or in another lifetime.

I have learned to let go but I know that it's not something that would happen overnight. What's important is that you start somewhere. I still hold on to past pains because it reminds me of everything that I've been through and I've overcome but at the same time I remind myself to let go of the hurt. Not an easy task but oftentimes, the only way to feel love is to remember pain. Forgive but don't forget.

All families are dysfunctional (in a way), life is indeed touch and go, people will leave you one way or another, you'll have bad skin and babyfats for at least once in your life. I have to accept that bad things happen to good people (like me) and it's not God being unfair. It's just life. I can list down all my bad experiences and compare notes with other people but what a waste of energy that will be. Right? Remind me again to focus on the good side of things.

Turning 24 means a year closer to hitting thirty, being more prone to wrinkles and a whole new level of pressure to settle down and have children and but it also means another year to laugh and love and live.

Another round of margarita for me - cheers to aging (gracefully)!

Sa Aking Paggising

Gumising ako ngayong araw na masama ang pakiramdam. Hindi dahil sa masakit yung likod ko. Hindi din dahil sa sobrang lamig ngayong mga araw na ito. Gumising ako pero sa isang banda, ayokong gumising. Naisip ko, isang araw na naman ang nagdaan - isang araw na walang kabuluhan.

Noong bata ako, nangarap akong maging abogado. Ngunit sa pagtanda ko, nakita ko na hindi lang pala ganun kasimple ang pagtupad sa mga pangarap - nagbabago ang mga plano, namamatay ang mga taong akala natin habang buhay nating makakasama, at madalas lumilipas ang oras ng hindi natin namamalayan. Hindi pala lahat ng tao na mabait sa 'tin ay talagang mabait at hindi lahat ng kaibigan ay magiging tapat. Nalaman ko na madalas tayong madadapa at hindi lahat ng sugat ay naghihilom. Minsan pwede mo ngang takpan ng bandaid pero hindi ibig sabihin ay basta na lang itong mawawala. Madalas, akala natin may kasama pa tayo pero hindi natin namamalayan, magisa na lang pala tayo at ang mga pangarap na binuo natin noon ay naglaho na sa ngayon.

Kaya nakontento na lang ako na makatapos ng kolehiyo at magpanggap na abogado habang nakikipagdebate sa mga kaibigan tungkol sa kasarian ni Piolo Pascual at kung tatangkad pa ba si GMA. Hindi na ko naniniwalang mabibilhan ko ng bahay at lupa ang nanay ko. Hindi ko din naman inasahan na sa pagtanda ko eh hindi na pala buo ang pamilya namin. Para ano pa? Hindi na din ako umaasang mapagtatapos ko ng kolehiyo and mga kapatid ko. Tingin ko naman, ayaw na din nilang magaral at mas bagay sa kanila ang maging gangster. At ang lalaking mahal ko, hindi na ko naniniwalang babalik siya, kaya ba't pa ako magaantay? Sayang lang ang makeup.

Pero ngayon, ang buhay ko isang malaking doughnut - butas sa gitna. Lahat ng ginagawa ko ngayon, wala ng saysay. Gumigising na lang ako dahil sa nagigising ako at hindi dahil may mga pangarap akong gustong tuparin, hindi dahil may mga tao akong gustong pasayahin at hindi dahil sa may kabuluhan ang buhay ko. Marahil aantayin ko na lang ang araw na hindi na ako gigising pa, at kung tatanungin ako ng Diyos kung sakali mang makakarating ako sa langit - "Anong ginawa mo sa buhay na pinagkaloob ko sa iyo?" Marahil ang isasagot ko lang ay isang malaking question mark.

Ngunit bakit ko nga ba hahayaang mangyari ito? Oo nga lahat ng bagay nagbabago pero may mga ibang bagay na hindi. Exactly my point, ano pa nga bang saysay ng buhay kung sasabay ka lang sa agos nito? Kailangan mong hanapin ang daang tatahakin mo, patuloy na mangarap para magkaroon ng inspirasyon at masaktan para matutong magmahal muli. Hindi tayo nabubuhay para maging robot lang at maging sunud-sunuran sa paniniwala ng ibang tao o sa dinidikta ng ating kultura o komunidad. Nabubuhay tayo para mangarap, magmahal at lumikha ng mga bagay na makubuluhan. At pag dumating ang araw na makaharap natin Siya may maisasagot tayo, "Madami akong nagawa sa buhay ko."

When life has meaning, you can bear almost anything. Without it, nothing is bearable.

Same Old New 2009

Yay! This is my first post for 2009.

I wish I could say 2008 ended with a bang for me. But not quite. I spent my Christmas hopping from house to house (Mom's to Grandpa's to a distant relative's). And I couldn't spell BORING more than sleeping throughout New Year's Eve. That's right. I was sleeping just when the clock struck 12 AM.

Oh and I got a couple of bath towels for Christmas (lol )and some cash which I really need (tyvm). I didn't shop for as many gifts as I did last Christmas due to the global financial crisis (it's affected me as well) but 2008 taught me a lot of things and I can say that it has paved the way for a brighter 2009.

Just a rundown of some highlights last 2008:
- moved out from my Grandpa's house, my home for almost 22 years
- resigned from my job as a call center agent
- "discovered" better work opportunities
- got my visa for Qatar and threw a couple of despedida parties only to withdrew the last minute
- stayed single (yey!)
- had my hair rebonded for the first time
- learned French (c'est dificile)
- wore a two-piece (for the first time too) with pics to boot
- got a US number
- closed a couple of "business deals"
- wrote a draft for my novel
- went to some beaches I haven't been to before
- had lighter skin
- bought my very first laptop
- rediscovered the meaning of "true" friendship and love

Of course, I had a lot of challenges too but ironically, I could only remember all the good things that happened to me. I'm thankful for the love from my family and friends and I can definitely say I love myself more and life just keeps getting better!

According to Female Network's 2009 prediction, 2009 is the year to bring Aquarians out into the world and that makes me even more excited. I take it from experience - their predictions are likely to be accurate. You can check out yours here --> http://www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php/topic,193330.0.html

Cheers to 2009!

The Free Sprit

I dont know if this is normal or if it’s only brought about by hormonal imbalance or PMS. But this has been bugging me for days now. Months actually.

I always believed that I am the kind of person that cannot be caged. I love to be free, i hate rules, i hate monotony. I love to be random, unpredictable - spontaneous. But I also know that it’s practically impossible in this life. Or in my life at least.

My life has been governed by rules; bawal kumain ng kendi - masisira ang ngipin, bawal umabsent, bawal manood hanggang hating-gabi, bawal magtelebabad, bawal magkalat.
Up until now... bawal umalis ng hindi naglilinis ng bahay, bawal magkaboyfriend ng hindi naayon sa standards ng "Familia Zaragozza", bawal magasawa hanggat hindi nakakabili ng bahay at lupa para sa nanay, bawal ang gumimik ng walang paalam, bawal bumukod ng bahay, bawal maging makasarili.

All my life - I’ve been living for other people. I live my life to fulfill their dreams, to make them happy, to make myself what they think I should be. I am so fucking tired of living this life when all I want to be is free. (Naks parang kanta…)

If I had my way, I’ll just live in a secluded island. Perhaps with the guy my Mom warned me about. I’ll just spend each afternoon reading a book or sleeping or maybe trying to learn how to swim instead of answering calls. I wanna break free. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit parang napacomplicated ng buhay eh pwede namang maging hindi. Bakit hindi nila makita?

I wanna be selfish. Ilang beses ko na bang sinabi yan sa sarili ko. Ilang New Year’s Resolution na. This year I promise that I will love myself more. I will learn to say no more often. I will fight for myself and for what I truly believe in. Pero hindi pa rin. I still feel that a part of me is locked up in a cage.

So ano nga bang ending ng entry ko na ito… hayyy ewan ko.

by: Karissa
Monday, August 28th, 2006


Yes, that was me 2 years ago. I was one of the many struggling call center agents who is kept awake in the wee hours of the morning by 3 mugs of coffee or so. My routine back then was go to work, sleep (in the girl's sleeping quarters), go to school, go home, sleep (in my bedroom), eat, take a bath, curse myself for being late while rushing to log on my Avaya and work again. I missed a lot of things back then because I was always sleeping. When my brother punched my cousin and my cousin's tooth got knocked out... I was sleeping. I didn't have a single idea my youngest brother was having issues at home... because I was sleeping. When my cousin won the horserace and gave out 500-peso bills, I got nothing because (guess what?) I was sleeping.

I didn't have the time and financial freedom back then and so I had no choice but to depend on my family, most especially my Grandpa who's like a five-star general in terms of the way he commands everyone to behave (straight body, stomach in-chest out, hair neatly tied up in a ponytail, no nail polish, no jewelries, no skirt, no boys, no phone calls, etc.). I wanted to be free but at the same time, I couldn't afford it. Living on my own means more expenses, no flat screen TV, no AC, no big house, no food I could steal for my midnight urges and no ice cream every Sunday. With my meager income, I was just making enough. Until he almost threw me out of the house. That's when I realize that I am responsible for my own freedom. If I rely on someone - I will never be free. If I base my happiness on others, my dreams, my expectations... I will always be locked up in an invisible cage.

Breaking free doesn't end there. Freedom also means being being responsible for your own fate, setting your own rules and believing in your principles. Freedom means blaming yourself and not other people when things don't go your way. Freedom will always come with a price. But it's a price worth fighting for. (Ay teka? Nov pa lang ba? Akala ko June 12 na - Independence day hahahaha)

This was a line I read from Tuesdays with Morrie:

The people who get on in this life are the people who look for the circumstances they want. And if they can't find them, they make them.

So ano nga bang ending ng entry ko na ito…

I now know.

I'm still not in a secluded island and not with a tanned, shirtless guy. I'm not spending each afternoon resting my ass off or trying to learn how to swim. But I have broken free and I have gained a deeper perspective on what it means. I'm no longer living at my Grandpa's house but rather in a small room with no AC and no flat screen. I pay for my expenses and more. I found the perfect job which gives me the financial and time freedom I've always wanted. I wake up anytime I want and I can go out without making an elaborate plan on how to escape.

I can do more and be more because I know at the end of the day I only have myself to thank or blame.

Nights in a Decade

Do good things never last? Yes, never for a long time at least. The greatest things that will ever happen in your life will happen in a few seconds, a few days, a few years. It will come as swiftly as a morning breeze; just to whisper in your ear, to give you hope, to give you something to work hard for and dream of. You'll never know what you're missing until you find it, and you'll never be complete once you lose it. That is the tragedy of life; the deeper the love, the more it hurts. It always comes together - pain and love. And as always, it is the one thing that remains constant in my life, as well as everybody else's.


***It's been almost a year pero ngayon lang ako nakakapagmove on. Ang hirap kasi lagi akong nadedepress before... iyak ng iyak. Naiinis na sa kin mga kaibigan ko dahil wala akong ibang sinabi kundi alex alex alex. Pero sa totoo lang wala na siya at hindi na siya babalik. Finally, natanggap ko na din yun and ngayon I wanna be happy again. Sana maging in a relationship na uli status ko sa friendster lol.***

To Alex:



Remember you told me a few days after you left that you were my greatest test?

The day I met you I was unsure of where I was. I was in a relationship that has been emotionally tiring. I have long fallen out of love. One of the reasons was because I felt that I could have so much more and that I could be treated better… loved better. But I stayed because I cared for him and I told myself I can settle while waiting for the one. But you told me that being with the wrong person not only means I am miserably with the WRONG PERSON, it also means missing out my chances in finding the right one.

You taught me that love is indeed patient and kind. The best lesson I learned with you was that of loving myself more. You taught me that I should never settle for anything less than what I deserve. You taught me people will only treat me the way I allow them to. You taught me that I should be treasured, respected and loved. You taught me that I was worth waiting, worth traveling a thousand miles and worth living sleepless nights for. Every single day that we were together, you made me feel that I was the most beautiful girl in the world that even up to now I still feel (in my own weird way) that I am.

I know that most people will never understand what happened but that’s what makes it special. It’s something that only the two of us can ever share. My friends say it was just a fling, a summer romance, a friendship that got out of hand but love is not a switch that you turn on whenever you want and turn off when things get hard. When love comes, it comes and it will stay. That’s what you told me and that was what I exactly felt. We were together for only a week but I treasure each day as if those were our last. Every cab ride, every Starbucks cup, every road and every walkway in every mall that we went to – I cherish them all. All those moments when you gently held my hand and told me that you were happy because of me, those countless times your lips curved as you struggle to speak in Tagalog, all those small coincidences that might as well be miracles where God chose to be anonymous – everything tells me that you came for a reason. And you told me that that reason was for me to learn and pass my test.

That is why on the day you called and said you were leaving; I spent my last 500 bucks on a cab ride from Antipolo to Pasay.

That is why I chose to hold on to you even when we were separated by a continent or two (not sure… not good at geography) and seven hours.

That is why I chose to cry with you while seeing but not being able to hold you during those times we’d chat for endless hours.

That is why I chose to spend my money for overseas calls and 15-peso text messages.

That is why I chose not to go out on dates and stay faithful to you.

That is why I, when you said things got busier, tried to do your part to make the relationship work.

That is why I went against my better judgment and made up a lot of reasons to justify why you suddenly changed.

That is why I kept calling you even when you no longer answer my calls.

That is why I kept sending you emails even when I know you’re no longer reading them.

That is why I kept saying goodbye but I’m still not leaving.

I chose to hold on to you because you were my greatest test and you told me before that you would do everything for me to pass it.

That is why even after a year and 8 months since we last saw each other, a year since our last conversation and 5 months since your last text message, I am still here waiting.

I am miserable and I don’t feel loved in any way.

But still you taught me my lessons well.

I just hope I realized sooner.

I’ve finally found the courage to let you go… because I realized that everything you taught me was not about you but about me after all and that my greatest test was not loving you inspite of everything.

It was putting and loving myself first despite of all.

I never, not even for once, doubted that what we felt for each other was love. Having you was more than a big ego boost. I loved myself more because you loved me. And I know that I can never go back to where I was before I became a better version of me. There’s nothing that I feel for you but love and gratitude for every wonderful moment and for every lesson I learned.

And with that I can say at last, I’ve passed my greatest test.

And I’m letting myself free, finally.

The Swan

I was approached by a friend of mine asking me if I could help her with her makeover. I don't know why. Perhaps, it's because I'm the most kikay amongst our circle of friends or maybe because I look like I have nothing else to do. Lol.

"Do you think I have a chance at this?" She asked.

"Of course."

Kung ako nga namakeover, ikaw pa kaya.



The tale of the stick-thin nerd and the baston pants

I used to be one of the more popular students in class, I had lots of friends and I was almost a teacher's pet. Then things suddenly turned upside down. I got accelerated to Grade 5, my Dad died, my mom had a row with my Grade 5 teacher, I had to wear eyeglasses and acne started growing all over my face. I was depressed, demoralized and oh, so flat-chested. It didn't help that I barely knew my classmates. Me and the two others who got accelerated were sort of made into outcasts because well, they thought we didn't belong there. My classmates made fun of me ALL THE FUCK*NG TIME. At home was almost the same thing. My dad was gone and there was no one to defend me and lift my spirits up. You see, my dad has always given me an ego boost. He tells me I'm the prettiest of all (when my sister's not listening), he tells me I sing like a nightingale (even though everyone disagrees) and that he is always proud of me. When he died, I lost all that - including my self-confidence. My grades started to drop, I became insecure of my appearance and when my classmates tell me how stupid I look, I almost believed them (how stupid!).

Then came high school.

I thought things will be different.

And it did.

Only, it got a lot worse.

Freshman at QueSci, 1997

As if being stick-thin was not enough, I had a skin allergy back when I was in first year. Whereas my classmates called me "bangkay" (corpse), they started calling me "naaagnas na bangkay" (rotting corpse). Looking back now, it was so funny but back then I felt like not going to school anymore. I didn't have a lot of friends. I was always left out, when it was time to group the class into teams, no one wanted to take me. My classmates would deliberately hit me with crumpled papers, switch my softdrinks with one that is already a week old and so on. I was so broke, too. After our lunchtime, I would ask my classmates for their empty coke bottles and exchange them for coins at our canteen. I never had money to buy the things that I want. I only had one pants - the "baston", which everyone was fond of because I look horrible in it. My favorite shirt was a loose LA Lakers shirt which is full of holes because of ant bites (don't ask me why the hell is that) and my shoes were flat, pointed and were one size bigger. There was this one time we had to wear skirts and I opted for a mini skirt, a girl classmate of mine (let's call her Miss M) said I should NEVER IN MY LIFE WEAR A MINISKIRT AGAIN because my legs look like bamboo poles. And then a week before our school field trip, my mom in her fit of rage cut my hair very short. I was a physical and emotional wreck. I was seriously thinking about suicide. That was how miserable my life was.

Me wearing my uncle's jacket at World Trade Center during the National Science and Technology Week where our team was one of the exhibitors.

The Swan Lake

But things started to change back in my junior year. I moved out of my Mom's house and back to my grandparent's which was a relief when my grandpa wasn't there. I was able to find new friends who accepted me and gave me a place I belong to. My sister came home from the US for a short vacation and she sort of made me over (plucked my eyebrows, taught me how to put make up, etc) and bought me new clothes. It was still hard at some times. When my Grandpa comes home here, he messes my life. From 100 bucks a day, he changed my allowance to 80. He didn't want me to have a lot of shoes and clothes. I told him once, "Grandpa, mas madami pa nga pong sapatos yung mga katulong natin kesa sa akin eh." (Grandpa, our maids even have more shoes than me). But to no avail. It was the price I have to pay for being his granddaughter.

During college, I decided to study at one school where I know no one of my previous classmates will go to. It was a fresh start for me. I began working parttime and things started to get better. There was even a point where I had two jobs at the same time, working as a secretary for MRT and a cashier at my uncle's restaurant. I met a very wonderful guy who kinda reminded me of my Dad. I became used to stooping and keeping my head bowed down and he always reminded me to walk straight with my chin up because he was proud of me and I should be proud of myself, too. I think, that was when I began to realize my selfworth and slowly I regained my self-confidence. I had enough money to go to a dermatologist for my face. I bought a lot of clothes and a lot more shoes. My boyfriend back then pampered me like a baby, treated me like a princess and brought me to different wonderful places. I became more comfortable with my skin, I learned different tricks, I came across Girltalk for beauty tips and so on. There are still times when I feel ugly and fat but most of the time I know I'm beautiful and I guess that's all that matters. And that I can make heads turn, occasionally. Haha.

Looking back, I guess I didn't look too fugly but I felt ugly and bad about myself that it ate through the good things until all I could think about was how ugly and how stupid and miserable I am. I guess, that's the first part of any makeover. It should start from within.

Now, I just had my hair rebonded, I regularly go to the gym, my dermatologist and malls (to shop or window shop), I try to be positive, I go out with friends, I take a lot of pictures, I eat what I want and go places and I have a blog to celebrate my beauty, este, the beauty of life pala. Hehehe. I know there's still a lot of work to do. I still have a lot to improve about myself. There are times when I hear my brothers or cousins say that I'm too fat but I just laugh it off because I know that there will always be people who will criticize you for your waistline or the way you dress or how dark your skin complexion is. But at the end of the day, there will also be that one person who I know appreciates my not-so-big boobs, my "sun-kissed" color and that little black dress I wear - I've finally learned to love myself again.

And just for old time's sake, I checked my old classmates' pictures in Friendster (those who used to make fun of me) and boy I'm so glad to know that I look a hell lot better than them. And oh, I never took your advice Miss M. I think I look fab in mini skirts. Eat your heart out! Beh!

The bamboo poles now

Finally, the swan!

Can't Cry Hard Enough

I'm gonna live my life
Like every day's the last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast

And now that you've gone
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

Gonna open my eyes
And see for the first time
I let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite...

Lately, I’ve been dreaming a lot about my dad - three straight days. His image is as clear and vivid as when he was still alive.

My relationship with my Dad was the one that most daughters would envy. When I had my first crush, when I cut my classes for the first time, when I didn’t get a perfect score in an exam when I was in kindergarten – I went straight to him. Not to my Mom because I know she would nag about it endlessly but always to my Dad because I know he would understand. He would even tell me about his own personal experiences. At the end of each of our conversations, I would always feel better.

All those times I was hurt (I always scrape my knee as a child), all those times my mom spanked me and all other times when I felt I needed my Dad – I just cry and wail like a banshee and he would be there. He would always make the pain stop.

Now, I can cry all I want and scream as loud as I can but I know it would never be the same.

I miss my Dad terribly.

It’s been 12 years since he died but there are times when I feel like I’m still the 10 year old girl whose been told that her Dad is dead.

The pain never stopped.

The longing never ceased.

But, love goes on.

And so does life.

Confessions of a (Photo)Shop-aholic

In today's world, it's not a matter of what you know.

You may know the Laplace transform like the back of your hands, you may know the best place to eat sisig or the most powerful person in the Philippines (GMA).

And so?

You may have all the tools of the trade - a Texas Instrument scientific calculator complete with the x,y graph thingy (obvious bang I took up Engineering?), 10,000 bucks to treat your friends for dinner or a copy of the presidential scandal but it can't make you bigger than life or even a centimeter bigger than her mole.

Haha.

But if you know a little Photoshop and you have a laptop (installed with the software of course para sa mga pilosopo), then you have the answer to all of life's problems.

Okay, I'm exaggerating. Maybe not all but the most common ones:

- signs of aging (wrinkles, crow lines, sunspots na di madaan daan sa Olay)
- baby fats
- baby fats
and
- baby fats

Here are some examples:

Even sexy Eva Longoria needs help to accentuate her curves

Brittany Murphy (ex ni Ashton)

And who could forget these pics that circulated in the net? These pictures shocked me. One of my friends even told me, she doesn't feel that bad anymore after seeing Angelica's pictures. And neither do I.

Angelica Panganiban

Angelica's comment on the incident, "One month before the actual pictorial ‘yon. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nasa utak ng gumawa at nagpakalat nun. Kaya sana talaga mamatay na siya!"

I'm not dissing these celebrities after all it is their business to look good (just as it is your job not to browse websites at work) but sometimes they look so damn good, it makes other people insecure about their own physical appearances. That's why Angelica shouldn't feel that bad about it, because she actually made a lot of ladies out there happy. For guys, well I know a lot of you were disappointed but isn't this a big reality check for you? What you see is not always what you get. So stop criticising us girls for being fat especially when you have a beer belly of your own!

Anyway, here are my contributions. Aba, I also need to photoshop my pictures after all it is also my business to look good. Lmfao!

I even have dirty dishes in the background! Can you guess our ulam? And oh! I forgot to enhance my cleavage haha :

I reduced my nose (it's too big), removed blemishes, soften the skin and changed the pout of my lips haha : D

Of course, I only do minor corrections. I don't want anyone to have a major disappointment haha. Deep down, I still believe that after all the Photoshop editing and layering, true beauty will only be conveyed in the picture if it comes from within (naks). Itaas ang confidence level and believe that you are a magnificent creature molded by powerful hands. If you're still not convinced that you are, you can always turn to Photoshop. A little trim there and a little oomph here will surely boost your confidence and increase your profile views in Friendster.

But!

Make sure that the real you will always be greater than any of your snapshots.

PHOTOSHOPPED or NOT.

Buy Me Buy Me Ebay!

I've always been a shopaholic. I'm the only eternally broke shopaholic in the whole world. Lately, I've been confined in the realms of my abode thus I needed to set aside my favorite hobby - window shopping.

But - when there's a will, there's a way! And soon, I found myself logging in the world of eBay.

A few weeks later, I've consumed all my savings (again). I placed bid on 5 bags (yes, five!), Victoria's Secret lotion and body spray, a digicam, maybelline lipstick, a Fiorucci wallet and probably something else that I missed. I didn't know I would be that lucky (?) to win all of it. After contemplating whether I should risk my eBay feedback or one month worth of groceries - I decided I'm gonna get 'em. Here are some of my purchases.

My favorite bag as of press time - brand new Debenhams bag for 350 Php

Brand new (with tags!) No Boundaries Hobo Bags in D and K for 200 Php

Victoria's Secret lotion for 200 Php

Brand new (with tag!) Fiorucci wallet for 200 Php

brand new Rampage barrel bag for 133 Php

Isn't it a handful? Now, there's one more thing left to do - put eBay in my list of blocked websites.

Whew!

America's Next Top Model

Lately, my cold summer nights are spent watching ANTM on YouTube. I just don't know why my bets never win. Cycle 10 just wrapped up with my bet being one of the Final 2. Oh well, it kinda pulls me down. That's how affected I am.

Here are my top ladies from all cycles.

Natasha Galkina, Cycle 8



I just don't understand that being nice is being fake. Only being rude and mean is being real
- nata

Natasha is second runner up to Jaslene who I think is not really nice and not really pretty (just photogenic and way too skinny!). What I so love about her is her very positive attitude. Even at the start of the competition, the girls were being judgmental about her life and the fact that she married a guy way older than her (she's from Russia, btw). But she harbored all the ill comments about her. She's genuinely kind and I so heart her. She is my ultimate top model.

Anya Kop, Cycle 10

I really feel that Anya should have won. It's just that Whitney (the winner) was a plus-size model and ANTM has never had one. Whitney has a stinky attitude and she bitches about everyone while Anya was fun to work with and the girl has got sense. And she is nice, she always has a nice thing to say. I really don't get why she didn't win.

Heather Kuzmich, Cycle 9

She's an American fashion model and a video game designer. Imho, Heather is very funny and talented (she's got a gallery in deviantart). I used to go to Wikipedia (one of the approved websites at the office) and just check out her profile. She takes stunning pictures and she's just so pretty. It's remarkable that she has Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD (it's a mild case of autism). But despite all that, she still rocks!

Heather's Myspace ---> http://www.myspace.com/hkmodel
And her deviantart page ---> http://0pandoras0tear0.deviantart.com/