Not Made for Gym and Diet?

Note: For you Melai, as requested :)

One of the cons of working at home is that I sit all day watching my tummy grow from big to huge. Lately, I am having a hard time fitting into my old jeans (old means a couple of months old) and I'm scared to buy new ones in fear of learning that I have grown a size bigger.

Saleslady: Mam, ano pong size?
Me: Mmmm... 26. Saleslday: (looks from head to toe)
after a couple of minutes...
Me: Sige Miss. Hindi kasya eh.
Saleslady: (murmurs to herself) Sabi na nga ba eh. Feelingera! 26 lang daw waistline.

I hear my friends and family tell me all the time that I am getting fat, my tummy's getting bigger, I can no longer fit in the screen when they're taking my pictures and I've practically heard all synonyms of the word "fat" in the last couple of weeks. And it doesn't help that I'm an emotional eater - meaning I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm happy and I eat with every chance I get.

Losing weight means hard work and discipline, which is exactly the problem. I lack both.

- I tried the no rice diet for a week and felt lighter but the excess weight immediately returned after I consumed cups and cups of rice like a rice-starved prisoner.
FACT 1: I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT RICE.

- I tried to enroll in a gym and paid one year membership fee to remind myself to go everyday otherwise I have to blame myself for wasting my hard-earned money.
FACT 2: I'M STILL BLAMING MYSELF UP UNTIL NOW FOR WASTING HARD-EARNED MONEY.

- I tried those slimming capsules, slimming tea, Nesvita and all other L-carnitine drinks (whatever that is), green tea capsules and all other capsules except space capsule (corny) and I probably lost an imaginary one or two inches off my waistline but the thing is it immediately comes back after drinking iced tea and coke.
FACT 3: SLIMMING DRINKS WON'T WORK UNLESS YOU WANT TO DRINK BIGUERLAI EVERYDAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

- Being a Limewire addict, I also downloaded Hiphop abs and Pilates workout videos but I kept pressing the fast forward button everytime I have to lie on my back, do a legsplit or an egg roll and when I have to touch the back of my knee with my tongue.
FACT 4: WORKOUT VIDEOS ARE JUST FOR YOUR EYES AND SHOULD NEVER BE TRIED AT HOME.

And so I didn't attempt to lose weight until recently. I don't know whatever has gotten into me but I just decided that - this is it! I went to Fitness First Eastwood and spent a day at the gym. The trainer weighed me and to my utter shock I found out I'm already 125 lbs. My second fattest moment was when I was working at Sykes back in 2006 and I was only 118 lbs then. She also measured my body fat index and I was only 2 points away from the risky stage. That day I just told myself to do it.

I bought a 2-piece swimsuit at Tiendesitas, wore it and took pictures of myself using my cam (I will die first before I'll show it to anyone and by then I'm sure no one will want to see a dead person wearing a swimsuit 2 sizes smaller). I then disgusted myself by looking at my layers and layers of flabs. While doing that, I kept telling myself that four months later, I will fit beautifully into those little pieces of clothes. I also looked at my friends' pictures (specifically Andrea and Tracy looking oh so thin and criticized how fat I look when I'm with them).

TIP 1: Find something that will inspire/disgust/encourage you enough to lose weight. Ex. Paste your picture wearing only your undies besides Heidi Klum's own 2 months after she gave birth to her second child.

I started buying fruits and compromised with myself regarding my diet - I will eat rice only during breakfast and lunch. Everything that I eat after 6 comprises of fruits, biscuits and other light stuff. I never believed in denying myself of what I want to eat but I remind myself that there is always a right time and that you can't have it all (in one meal).

TIP 2: Make a deal with the devil (devil=yourself). When it comes to losing weight, you are your own worst enemy and best friend. The choice is entirely up to you.

Although I'm so lazy to go to the gym, Fitness First offers classes such as Latin, Bellydancing, BodyJam, etc. which to me is a lot more fun than carrying weights and doing situps. I realized that as long as I am enjoying the time I spend at the gym, it all becomes less of a work out and more of a leisure time. Add the fact that I work out alongside Asi Taulava, Carlos Morales, Mike Enriquez and er-- other hunky guys -- this is the wisest decision I made so far.

TIP 3: Do something that you truly enjoy until there's no more "work" only fun, fun, fun! If you really can't find any form of exercise or work out that you enjoy, go to a hypnotist who can make you believe that you really are strolling in Paris shopping for Louis Vuitton bags when in reality you are sweating out cleaning your room (all day) and your neighboor's room (all night).

Because of the hunky guys in FF, my gay friends are also hooked to working out in the gym. They became my new gym buddies. They tell me when I'm being lazy, when I'm not doing enough work, when I'm cheating, etc. etc. They also stop me from eating rice at night. And they hit me in the head when I stray from my routine and do something stupid like eating 3 donuts from Krispy Kreme.

TIP 4: Find a gym buddy or weight loss guru who would torture you when you a) forget to exercise b) eat chocolate c) sleep all day. Remind yourself not to kill your friend when he takes away your super supreme pizza.

I'm not criticizing anyone and I don't have anything against fat people. It's just that I prefer myself leaner and able to pose wearing swimsuits without looking like an overripe banana. And I think I owe it to myself to be fit, fabulous and sexy. Also, I'm not advertising Fitness First (for those who wants to enroll I can refer you to my agent, just text me). There are a lot of other ways to work out. You can jog in Circle, Rizal Park or in your neighborhood. You can also attend cheap 20-peso workout classes in Greenhills and QC Circle during mornings. You can ask your friends to play badminton or patintero or taguang tsinelas. Walk instead of taking the jeep. You can also work double time and walk with your arms from your home to your office. There are a lot of ways to lose weight. It's never an easy task so you should really, really and let me repeat - really, be determined. Think: DIET, EXERCISE and DISCIPLINE. You have to want it bad enough just as much as you want kaldereta and rocky road ice cream.

Oh and lastly, don't think about food too much.

The Swan

I was approached by a friend of mine asking me if I could help her with her makeover. I don't know why. Perhaps, it's because I'm the most kikay amongst our circle of friends or maybe because I look like I have nothing else to do. Lol.

"Do you think I have a chance at this?" She asked.

"Of course."

Kung ako nga namakeover, ikaw pa kaya.



The tale of the stick-thin nerd and the baston pants

I used to be one of the more popular students in class, I had lots of friends and I was almost a teacher's pet. Then things suddenly turned upside down. I got accelerated to Grade 5, my Dad died, my mom had a row with my Grade 5 teacher, I had to wear eyeglasses and acne started growing all over my face. I was depressed, demoralized and oh, so flat-chested. It didn't help that I barely knew my classmates. Me and the two others who got accelerated were sort of made into outcasts because well, they thought we didn't belong there. My classmates made fun of me ALL THE FUCK*NG TIME. At home was almost the same thing. My dad was gone and there was no one to defend me and lift my spirits up. You see, my dad has always given me an ego boost. He tells me I'm the prettiest of all (when my sister's not listening), he tells me I sing like a nightingale (even though everyone disagrees) and that he is always proud of me. When he died, I lost all that - including my self-confidence. My grades started to drop, I became insecure of my appearance and when my classmates tell me how stupid I look, I almost believed them (how stupid!).

Then came high school.

I thought things will be different.

And it did.

Only, it got a lot worse.

Freshman at QueSci, 1997

As if being stick-thin was not enough, I had a skin allergy back when I was in first year. Whereas my classmates called me "bangkay" (corpse), they started calling me "naaagnas na bangkay" (rotting corpse). Looking back now, it was so funny but back then I felt like not going to school anymore. I didn't have a lot of friends. I was always left out, when it was time to group the class into teams, no one wanted to take me. My classmates would deliberately hit me with crumpled papers, switch my softdrinks with one that is already a week old and so on. I was so broke, too. After our lunchtime, I would ask my classmates for their empty coke bottles and exchange them for coins at our canteen. I never had money to buy the things that I want. I only had one pants - the "baston", which everyone was fond of because I look horrible in it. My favorite shirt was a loose LA Lakers shirt which is full of holes because of ant bites (don't ask me why the hell is that) and my shoes were flat, pointed and were one size bigger. There was this one time we had to wear skirts and I opted for a mini skirt, a girl classmate of mine (let's call her Miss M) said I should NEVER IN MY LIFE WEAR A MINISKIRT AGAIN because my legs look like bamboo poles. And then a week before our school field trip, my mom in her fit of rage cut my hair very short. I was a physical and emotional wreck. I was seriously thinking about suicide. That was how miserable my life was.

Me wearing my uncle's jacket at World Trade Center during the National Science and Technology Week where our team was one of the exhibitors.

The Swan Lake

But things started to change back in my junior year. I moved out of my Mom's house and back to my grandparent's which was a relief when my grandpa wasn't there. I was able to find new friends who accepted me and gave me a place I belong to. My sister came home from the US for a short vacation and she sort of made me over (plucked my eyebrows, taught me how to put make up, etc) and bought me new clothes. It was still hard at some times. When my Grandpa comes home here, he messes my life. From 100 bucks a day, he changed my allowance to 80. He didn't want me to have a lot of shoes and clothes. I told him once, "Grandpa, mas madami pa nga pong sapatos yung mga katulong natin kesa sa akin eh." (Grandpa, our maids even have more shoes than me). But to no avail. It was the price I have to pay for being his granddaughter.

During college, I decided to study at one school where I know no one of my previous classmates will go to. It was a fresh start for me. I began working parttime and things started to get better. There was even a point where I had two jobs at the same time, working as a secretary for MRT and a cashier at my uncle's restaurant. I met a very wonderful guy who kinda reminded me of my Dad. I became used to stooping and keeping my head bowed down and he always reminded me to walk straight with my chin up because he was proud of me and I should be proud of myself, too. I think, that was when I began to realize my selfworth and slowly I regained my self-confidence. I had enough money to go to a dermatologist for my face. I bought a lot of clothes and a lot more shoes. My boyfriend back then pampered me like a baby, treated me like a princess and brought me to different wonderful places. I became more comfortable with my skin, I learned different tricks, I came across Girltalk for beauty tips and so on. There are still times when I feel ugly and fat but most of the time I know I'm beautiful and I guess that's all that matters. And that I can make heads turn, occasionally. Haha.

Looking back, I guess I didn't look too fugly but I felt ugly and bad about myself that it ate through the good things until all I could think about was how ugly and how stupid and miserable I am. I guess, that's the first part of any makeover. It should start from within.

Now, I just had my hair rebonded, I regularly go to the gym, my dermatologist and malls (to shop or window shop), I try to be positive, I go out with friends, I take a lot of pictures, I eat what I want and go places and I have a blog to celebrate my beauty, este, the beauty of life pala. Hehehe. I know there's still a lot of work to do. I still have a lot to improve about myself. There are times when I hear my brothers or cousins say that I'm too fat but I just laugh it off because I know that there will always be people who will criticize you for your waistline or the way you dress or how dark your skin complexion is. But at the end of the day, there will also be that one person who I know appreciates my not-so-big boobs, my "sun-kissed" color and that little black dress I wear - I've finally learned to love myself again.

And just for old time's sake, I checked my old classmates' pictures in Friendster (those who used to make fun of me) and boy I'm so glad to know that I look a hell lot better than them. And oh, I never took your advice Miss M. I think I look fab in mini skirts. Eat your heart out! Beh!

The bamboo poles now

Finally, the swan!